Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
