Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
