Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
