i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
