its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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