life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
