I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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