Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
