I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
