my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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