im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
