I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
