U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize