Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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