Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
