what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
