Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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