just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
