Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
