but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
