Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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