I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
