im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
