There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
