she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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