i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
