he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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