i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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