Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
