I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
