That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
