Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
