Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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