So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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