I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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