He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Farmville is her only friend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
