You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You left your phone here
Wait...
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