As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
