Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
