Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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