Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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