I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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