Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize