you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
