i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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