Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
