You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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