new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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