I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize