Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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