I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize