I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have post one night stand depression
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