I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
