Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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