Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
