i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
