It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
