I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
