he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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