just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
