and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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