Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
