the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
