so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
