Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
